Hank Herman is a suburban home owner who enlisted the help of an exterminator to get rid of the raccoon causing a ruckus around his house. The exterminator's choice, A Havahart® 1085 Raccoon Trap!
Westport News, CT - Hank Herman
Posted: 09/11/2009 01:01:18 AM EDT
Our tree guy pays a call, tells me he's going to apply some dormant oil spray. Then he'll get to the super hydro root fertilizer. Later in the season he'll take care of the foliar spray application. Oh, and of course the fall liquid fertilizer.
 My eyes glaze over. Too much information. "Sounds good to me," I say. Truth of the matter is, I just want the trees to look good. I don't really care how it happens.
Same deal with the auto mechanic. "We took care of the chassis lubrication," he tells me. "Changed the oil and replaced the filter. Checked all fluids, checked the air in the tires, removed the front and rear differential pans. The bottom line, he says, is that my Jeep is good to go. And that's all I really want to know.
As a suburban homeowner, you run into a lot of people who take their jobs very seriously -- and that's a good thing. You can tell they love what they do, and they're eager to share all the exciting details with you. And in my experience, nobody fits this description of the proud professional, the gunslinger for hire, more than the exterminator.
We'd been hearing some "activity" -- some very loud activity -- around the house lately, particularly in the area of the bathtub and one of the kitchen cabinets. Whatever it was that was making the racket seemed to be right under the floorboards, particularly in those two areas. My sons were trying to tell me it was a mouse -- but not even Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and the rest of the gang could have created that kind of a ruckus. From the furious scratching and the sheer volume of noise, I was pretty sure we had a raccoon.
So I called the exterminator.
Next morning, again, I hear a lot of activity under and around the house -- but this time it's of the human variety. I look out at the driveway, and sure enough, there's the white truck. At the same time, the exterminator comes to the door. He proudly wears a blue polo shirt with the company's logo on his breast -- like a badge. He introduces himself -- "Mitch" -- and can't wait to start telling me what he's already deduced. These troubleshooters, you'll notice, never ring the bell first to say they're here; they like to case the house for clues first.
"Yup, there's been a lot of recent activity," he tells me confidently -- happily. We're in the crawl space as we have this conversation. "See all that insulation he's just ripped out?"
I tell him the insulation's been in that mucked-up condition since early April, when our basement was flooded, but he barely notices my interruption. He's not going to let any stray facts get in the way of the case he's building.
"He gets in through this opening -- see those tracks on the wood post?"
Those tracks were pointed out to me two years ago by a previous exterminator the last time we were hosting a raccoon. I don't even bother him with this information, since it's clearly not going to make any difference to his "theory."
His eyes get bigger and brighter, his tone increasingly animated, as he tells me more about the quarry he's stalking. He could be a Sioux brave tracking a grizzly in the Old West, to hear hi m talk.
"You know how it is, Mr. Herman, when you pass a house that's got the fireplace going -- or maybe where they're grilling burgers and hotdogs? You know the way you can smell that from a mile away? That's the way it is with me when I get out of my truck at a house like yours. I can smell raccoon before I even open the door!"
I try to reel him back to the task at hand. "How are you planning to catch him?"
His eyes glisten. His face takes on an almost beatific expression. "The 1085," he says.
When I look at him quizzically, he explains, "The Havahart 1085. Mother of all raccoon traps. You know what a mouse trap looks like. Picture something 50 times the size!" His voice is positively rhapsodic.
I ask when he can start. He consults his calendar, then realizes we have Labor Day weekend coming up. "Bummer. Legally, I have to check my traps every day, so I can't start till after the weekend. But don't worry," he continues, with that semi-deranged gleam back in his eye. "There's one thing you can count on when you hire me."
Dramatic pause. Hushed voice. "That raccoon is going down."
Westporter Hank Herman shares his Home Team column every other Friday in the Westport News. Related links: Helpful Resources: Raccoon Trap Guide Critter Library: All About Raccoon Our Brands: Havahart® Traps |
